Temper tantrums!

**warning** This post is a ramble, but I wanted to put my feelings on "paper"

I'm losing the battle of temper tantrums.  My almost 21 month old is whooping my butt.  We have had a few here and there, but this week they here with a vengeance.  We decided that she cries "less" in the mornings if I get her up and ready.  I will get her up and put her in my bed to lay with Scotty while I brush my teeth and finish getting ready and that lets her wake up a little before I'm changing her and shoving clothes over her head.  It worked great last week, but Monday morning--nope!!  She cried and pitched a fit the whole time, the whole car ride there and while I walked her in.  AHHH!  When I picked her up that afternoon, she was all smiles and laughing and her teacher said she had a great day.  She waved bye bye and blew kisses to everyone on the way out like a little angel, and then......

Holy crying!!!  I try so hard to ignore it, and then my anger boils out of me.  It is unacceptable to cry scream like that.  She is being hateful.  A normal cry, or a whine wouldn't bother me....but this??  CRAZY.  So then I end up yelling, or swatting at her.  Doing the whole 1-2-3 which she cares nothing about.  By the time we get home I am so frazzled and angry I put her strait in time out and set the timer on the oven for 1 minute--this is the first time trying the timer approach.  Every time she got out I would take her by the arm and walk her back.  When it was time to get out she would run to me and want me to hold her.  I love holding her and would hold her all day, but she has to learn she can't cry like that.  Every time I put her down she threw a fit which in turn made me yell.  She was so crazy I checked her over to see if she was hurt, I checked her temperature, I gave in and gave her cheese--she loves cheese but even that only calmed her for a second.  It was awful.  I finally put her in the bath and she was fine.  Laughing, playing, giving me kisses.  She was fine the rest of the night and went to bed peacefully.  I on the other hand was exhausted, frustrated and crying because I felt bad and yelled all night.  This parenting thing is hard work.

Tuesday morning I woke up and decided to start on a clean slate.  I woke her up and laid her in my bed and she immediately started crying.  Red face, growling, body stiff--crying.  We left and she proceeded to temper tantrum the whole way to school.  I told her teacher that we were having a rough morning and asked if she was having tantrums there but she said no that she is perfect at school.  She did say to give it a few weeks and when she realizes that they care for her and she can act "bad" and they still care for her she will start throwing tantrums.  At the same time a little boy came in and when the teacher tried to pick him up and put him in the table he got stiff and threw himself on the floor--looked familiar--she told him "Noah when you are ready to come to the table you can" and left him on the floor.  He got up on his own and came to the table (but he kept throwing his milk cup on the floor which prompted my daughter to do the same--I'm sure she's picking up great habits watching all these other kids).  Another mom came in and said she's going through the same thing with her daughter.  It's nice to know I'm not the only one with a screaming kid, but I need to know what I can do to stop it.  I asked for suggestions on facebook and got some great ideas from other fellow mama's that I'm going to try. 

She was at Koko's house yesterday afternoon and she said she didn't have any tantrums at all.  I got there around 4:00 and about 4:10 she threw one.  WTH??  It must be me....she's trying to get my attention or knows I'm her mama and that's what toddlers are supposed to do, I'm not sure.  I ignored it and she ran into another room and did her thing.  I could hear her and see her pacing running back and forth yelling.  She would come running up to me and I asked her if she needed a hug and put my hands out and she would swat at them or push me away, so I would turn her around and give her a nudge to go back in the other room.  She would run back in and repeat the process 2 more times.  I finally had to go in there because she started ripping papers off the wall that Korie had hanging up.  She got a spanking swat on the booty and told her we don't do that and walked her back into the living room with me and redirected her attention to coloring.  She did good for a little while and then had another melt down a little while later.  

I made a plan and I'm going to try my hardest to stick to it.  When she starts her tantrum I'm going to tell her calmly that "Mommy doesn't like it when she acts that way and would like for her to stop", and try to redirect her attention.  If that doesn't work, I'm going to ask her if she would like to sit in time out or stop crying--I'm sure she's not going to answer me "Sure mom, I would like to stop crying", so I'm pretty sure we will head to time out and I will set the timer for 1 minute and tell her she can get out when the timer goes off.  If she gets up I will walk her back and tell her she has to stay there until the timer goes off--in a calm voice.  When the timer goes off I will tell her she can get out and that I love her and give her a hug and hopefully that will be the end of it.  The goal is to not yell and to ignore it.  If it reaches the excessive point--she goes to time out.  Scotty and I talked about it and agreed to ignore her in the car and not try and stop the crying.  It does nothing and only makes us more angry that she doesn't respond. 

Makenzie is such a good girl.  She is friendly and outgoing and makes me laugh all the time.  She is sweet and sensitive and all girl.  She is so smart and I love playing with her and discovering all the new things she has learned.  She is not a bad kid at all--just a toddler.  I know this is a phase and we will get past it and that every (I think) kid goes through this.  We just need to find a way to work together and get her past these tantrums.  I think when she can talk more it will be easier to get her feelings out.

Any suggestions.....let me know!!!